When an Office Romance is Over…

today is a great day | I liken office romance to spring time. Pussy willows greet our spring-starved eyes.  Our magnolia trees envelop our fragrant, pinkish-white blooms.  And what woman doesn’t like the thrill of a daffodil as it protrudes… with petals of course :).  A wink here, a wink there, and a little flirty flirt seems harmless, right?  Not to mention, since we’re floating on cloud 9, we’re actually happy to go to work and are even more productive.

Most people spend a third or more of their lives in the office or other places of work.  Is it any wonder office romance is rampant?  After all, it’s a non-threatening environment where we have an opportunity to meet potential dating partners.  Unlike a club, you don’t have to rely on first impressions, and, we all know folks can be a wee bit dishonest online.  In an office environment, you see the person every day and you can really get to know them.  So an office romance would be perfect, right?  Wrong!

Based on personal experience, I could easily sum this post up in one to two words: AWKWARD – QUIT.

I learned this lesson in my mid teens.  I used to work in the grocery store, replenishing the salad bar.  ‘He’ worked in the produce department, drove a Mercedes, and wore custom clothing on his days off.  He was fine.  And he had his eye on me.  For about 3 weeks, we flirted with each other.  Boy did I love going to work.  I would spend an inordinate amount of time laying out my outfit and coordinating the perfect accessories, and slathering my body with love potions and lotions.  Yes, it was that serious cuz that man’s swag was on point.

Then one day, he asked me out after work.  It was on and poppin’.  The next few weeks blossomed into a beautiful romance.  Then, it gradually started to fade.  I would go to work mad because the night before, we argued on the phone.  The roses I was once surprised with 3 times a week, all of a sudden stopped.  The text messages were not returned.  The winks and “accidental brush-ups behind me” were now being directed to the new girl on the register.   Not sure if my mind was playing tricks on me but I felt like everyone on the job knew of our romance.

Just like that, it was over.  No remnants.  I couldn’t stand him.  His swag seemed to turn to flab.  His confidence turned to arrogance.  What could I do?  He was closer with the manager than I was, so I couldn’t tell on him.  I was pissed.  Suddenly, working at the grocery store was unbearable… so I quit.  (Thank goodness it was just a lil summer job.  I could quit with no problem, as I was just a teen with absolutely no bills.)

So many people treat their jobs as their primary social outlet.  They hang out with the same people working in the same field.  Such incestuous relations are inevitably social dead ends.  In my opinion, office romance is just a recipe for disaster.

This YouTube video will shed some light on an office romance gone bad.  If not, it’s sure to give you a laugh…

Think twice before you go all goo goo ga ga over that fine specimen of a man/woman called your boss or co-worker.  Oh, and that goes for the janitor too!

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Cheating: Does He (or She) Deserve a 2nd Chance?

today is a great day | Love.  What a powerful 4-letter word, l-o-v-e.  It can make you feel as if you’re on cloud nine.  It can create a heaven out of hell. It’s undoubtedly the epitome of human kindness, compassion, and… what we all crave, affection.  We never know where we’ll find it.  It rears its head in the strangest of places.  Sometimes, it blossoms from unsuspecting sources.  It’s been known to elude some and drown others.

But, one thing is for sure.  Once we find it, we don’t want to let it go.  After all, it made our heart beat a bit faster and put a little pep in our step.  So what should we do when our partner has cheated?  Shattering, tainting, or blemishing that perfect love you once shared.  Does that person deserve a second chance?

I’ve learned you can’t bury your head in the sand and pretend it didn’t happen.  Doing that retains the frame of the relationship, but kills your chances of lasting intimacy. And though it may preserve a lifestyle and financial situation, you’re left feeling empty and lonely on the inside.

If you confront it and forgive your partner, the cheating pattern returns, often with the same person, in different locations or with a new person, in the same location.  Ain’t that some sh*t?  Especially when you find out the person isn’t half the woman or man you are.  (Sorry about that last statement.)  I digress sometimes :-\.

Anyway, some people say, f**k it and leave.  They don’t care about piecing anything together.  But then strangely, they enter into another relationship where the same cheating pattern surfaces again.  Then you start to hear the, “men are dogs”; and, “f**k b*tches, they’re all the same.”

With regard to cheating, here are a few things I learned on my continuous journey of enlightenment:

  • Take some of the blame. It’s not all your partner’s fault.  Think about it… think back.  You put yourself in the situation to begin with, so take responsibility for it.  Be honest with yourself.  Were there warning signs that you chose to disregard?  Did you think he or she would change, once you got them under your spell?  Did you value certain factors like security above happiness?  What about money?  Were you blinded by the almighty dollar and a luxe lifestyle you couldn’t have otherwise provided for yourself?  The point is, did you ignore a truth that slapped you in the face?
  • Our American culture plays a huge part in people cheating on each other.  Everywhere you turn there are images of scantily-clad women and half-naked men, swinging their private parts all over the place.  I said to myself, the media perpetuates infidelity.  Why is it glamorized? I know the answer to this, but to put it lightly, there are some wicked, sick people running this world.  And their motto is to divide and conquer.  A classic strategy to keep the masses at bey and asleep.  When people come together as one, there is impenetrable power.  Can’t let that happen now can we?  And that’s all I’ll say on that.
  • Ladies, don’t bash me when I say this. **holds my shield up so I don’t get stoned** In order to populate the earth, we must reproduce. To do this, men must plant their sperm in the woman’s womb.  So by nature, the man and woman must come together.  It is nature because the man doesn’t even have to be sexually attracted to the woman.  He will always “rise” to the occasion.  This is meant to happen.  This in itself is how we reproduce and populate.  But somewhere along the line, a jealous woman screamed, “Cheater! I hate you!”.  LOL.  (j/k… sorta).  Just think about it.  A man can have sex with 50 different women at the same time and get each one pregnant (50 babies).  A woman, on the other hand,  has sex with 50 different men at the same time, but can only have one baby.  It’s not meant for the woman to sleep around. It’s not in her nature.  It’s not meant for her to do it.  Somewhere along the line, a man screamed, “You hoe! That’s not your job… it’s mine!” LOL (just kidding… sorta)  Men can also have sex with 50 different women and not be emotionally attached.  We, on the other hand, get all wrapped up in our feelings.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think it justifies a man’s infidelity.  A man just has to discipline himself… and make a personal commitment to restrain from his natural duty. (Like that’ll happen! #cantlayblame)  J/k… sorta.  Just imagine if men only stuck with one woman?  Would that serve the greater good? There’s some reason other cultures allow men to have 50 wives.  Moreover, could it be an all-knowing, all-seeing power, that’s so perfect, knew homosexuality, imprisonment, and war fatalities of men would run rampant in the human race.  Is it no wonder the ratio of women to men is 7:1, maybe more?    #justsayin
  • If you choose to give your partner a second chance, you have to approach the problem as a couple.  Doing this empowers the one who has been cheated on and gives him/her a sense of control.  Working together to fix the problem can bring back a sense of certainty or reassurance, which is important when trying to restore trust.
  • Candidly discuss the details of what happened.  I know it’s easy and preferable to keep all the details out, thinking that it will only lead to more problems.  No. No. No.  Concealing the details of the affair leads to lingering questions.  When those questions are not addressed, they will never go away and it’s nearly impossible not to dwell on the incident.  Revealing the truth can be painful, but it is necessary when trying to move forward.

Ultimately, whether or not you want to give your partner a second chance is your choice and yours alone.  The best advice you can get does not come from your friends or family.  It comes from you… that gut feeling we always ignore, so we can listen to someone else who doesn’t know what the hell they’re talking about.   Your intuition gives you insight.  Listen to it.  It knows what you do not.

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